It's the easier way out.

To not exist is the nature of this world, but life is a gift, so, can I deny this gift?

It is never polite to decline gifts, but I wonder if I am here only to suffer, might as well end myself and get this over with.

There are good gifts, and bad gifts, but for some reason, life does feel like the latter lately.

So, is it impolite to return this gift I've been given?

I don't know who gave me this gift. If consciousness is a product of human brain, then I suppose I have my parents to thank for it, but if consciousness is a property of this universe, then it wasn't a gift to begin with.

I just want to get this over with.

I've never been suicidal. Even now, as I type this, I don't want to die. I want to be happy, but she's gone.

Strangers who've never known her say, "Think about her, how would she feel?" I don't like this. How can you pretend to know her? You don't know what she stood for, you don't know anything about her, yet you claim to speak her words.

The only person who can comfort me in this pain is her, and she is gone.

All of this feels like a cruel joke, as if her happiness, my happiness, the people around her she made happy, their feelings have no weightage.

Why does the world take away people you love? What has this Universe got against people with dreams? People meant for greatness?

Why am I alive?

She would've done something for the world. She would've saved lives. She would've made a difference. I am nothing compared to the person she was.

I hate how with every passing second, her memories fade, yet this pain, and emptiness stays.

I want to die. I want to end it all. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in a world without Shubhangi.

I hate you, God. I hate you, Universe. I hate you, Death. I hate you, Nature. I hate everything that had a hand in her demise. I hate myself for being unable to save her. When I die, I will take you all down with me.

Maybe, in death I will find her again, my beautiful Shubhangi. The one who taught me the meaning of love. You were the best, my dear.